The Soju Greatest Hits Collection

On occasion of the Mad One's birthday :

Soj: u and ur crazy talk
Soj: i think theres a carbon monoxide leak at ur place
Soj: i suggest u leave immediately...preferably out ur window

UmMm oK says: u have issues
UmMm oK says: i suggest therapy and an overdose of sedatives

Soj: fake ur own death
Soj: u could start anew
Soj: you could be john aby

Soj: i just took a test
Soj: i was WRONG ABY I WAS WRONG
Soj: guess how old they said my 'inner child' is
Soj: 10
Soj: freakin 10
Soj: not 13
Soj: o well, i guess this clears up some issues :-)
Soj: The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost in a good book, or giggling with my best friend, I live in a world apart, one full of adventure and wonder and other stuff adults don't understand.

Money - the root of all happiness

In an impressive display of the inane ability of Ivy League institutions to spend incredible sums of money on insane projects, researchers from Harvard and Penn State have just concluded a study that proves that rich people are indeed happier than the poor.

Where between the flat-screen plasma tvs and the custom harleys was the fact lost that billionaires have more fun? When between Papadakis' mansion hogging Wall Street Journal space and Shaq's palace on cribs did we forget that it doesn't matter what a MasterCard commercial says, sleeping in a cardboardbox is no bleedin fun? Who between some lunatic Russian millionaire's bid to launch himself into space and TO complaining that he can't feed his family on just a couple of million dollars thought that the bottom of the barrel was in vogue?

The study said that that happiness was measured using a self-report response of "very happy", "pretty happy", or "not too happy". Two months into the survey, based on responses from poor people, a new choice of "what's happy?" was added.

The results of the survey has, understandably, raised a storm in economic circles. Two hobos who live in the traffic circle on Wall Street spent Monday morning protesting the happiness disparity. When contacted for their views, they said, "It's bad enough that we're at the bottom of the money ladder. We used to keep our spirits up by watching those Disney movies in store windows that always showed the poor mouse family huddled together in their tiny matchbox home, frozen, but obviously happier than the rich cat family. But with it having been proven that the rich are also happier than us, we are now demanding that we be provided with either happiness or riches."

$imone Greenback (yes, that's really her name), spokeswoman of the $noot Toot$, the local Philadelphia rich wives club, says that the survey can not be taken seriously because it does not take into consideration 'extraneous circumstances'. "For example," she says, "poor people are often homeless or struggling to keep a roof over their head. They either have no food or must rummage through a trash can to find some. In these cases, how do we expect them to be happy? The researchers neglected to control for these factors. Take a poor person, feed him, clothe him and give him a mansion. Then see if he's any less happier than us millionaires. The constitution of this great country says that we are all equal, and indeed we are in our happiness. The poor people are really just as happy as we are. If not, then let them eat cake."

At this point the interview was cut short by the local crazy who sleeps underneath the gargoyle at 30 St Station, who snatched Ms Greenback's purse and damaged her porsche, the keys to which were in her purse, by driving it into the unfortunate Ms Greenback. The crazy, when later contacted, denied the stolen prosche brought him any extra happiness. Though with gas prices soaring, this is hardly surprising.

Penn State researchers (shoutout to ramu) have announced the topic of their latest study - Does eating at McDonalds every day for 30 days have an adverse effect on a person's health?

Meanwhile, poverty-stricken people worldwide return home to their squalor despairing the revelation that they are not happy.

The crust of the matter...

The Invisible Crust is a new loaf of bread, brought out by breadmakers Hovis, that is the world's first crustless bread. Thousands of years of baking expertise has led to this one seminal moment where mothers of the world join hands and dance around the polka dot table-clothed dinner table singing thanks to the Lord of the baking industry who has delivered them from the countless hours they have slaved over loaves of bread, cutting off the crusts so that their snotty-nosed kids would eat their otherwise terrible P&J sandwiches. Man can now live on crustless bread alone.

In related news, the Knife industry held a secret meeting at the London Ramada to discuss steps to sabotage the Crustless Bread industry. Studies undertaken by the industry revealed that the reduced wear and tear on bread knives from moms no longer having to cut off crusts so that their snotty-nosed kids would eat their otherwise terrible P&J sandwiches, would result in a drop in sales of over 2 bread knives a month in London alone. The meeting saw several half-baked ideas presented but the clear cut winner was the suggestion of greeting bread industry leaders with a horse's head in their beds. This job is to be contracted to an outside horse-head enthusiast group who call themselves, rather unimaginatively, The Four Horsemen. The Knife group felt that outside contracting would have a two-fold upswing effect on sales - the bread industry would revert to their crusted version and it would also increase sales of horse-head knives. It's good to know that the entrepreneurial spirit is not dead.

Pigeons however may soon be going the dead route. Extensive surveys of the benches at London's Hyde Park have revealed that the crumbs lunchers throw for the pigeons at the park are exclusively from the yucky crust. If the knife industry fails in its bid to curb the crustless bread phenomenon, pigeons could soon have their goose cooked.

The Royal College of Historians are also protesting the death of the crust. The latest issue of the historical tome, 'History (an Edited version)- now with more bloodshed" is reported to contain a study by the Royal College of Historians proving that the crumbs Hansel and Gretel used to find their way back home were from the now-endangered bread crust. How this is a tragedy is beyond me. You'd rather have snotty-nosed brats lost in the forest and eaten by wolves who were thwarted by little red riding hood or the little pig who built his house out of stone, rather than throwing a tantrum at the dinner table because their P&J sandwich has a crust.

In other news, the knife industry has adopted the Bryan Adams song 'Cuts like a Knife' as their new theme song. Cute.

DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!

“ COME ON PUNK!!! CLEAN UP THAT DAMN ROOM !!! ”

“ AWRIGHT MA!!! I’LL GET TO IT!!! ”

The classic case of procrastination. The art of putting things off for later. The delaying of what needs to be done in the hope that maybe it gets magically done in the meantime. The foe of the workaholic. Common acquaintance of the world.

Everyone procrastinates. Nobody is an exception. Not even Monica Gellar. And to a certain extent, it is rather helpful. Things may appear to you in their proper perspective after a break. But if that perspective is that it’s too huge to do in the time that’s left, that’s when you’re in trouble.

But I refuse to believe that I’m a procrastinator. I don’t look at it in that way. People say that I’m putting things off till later. I don’t look at it that way. To me the glass is half-full not half-empty. How I look at it is that instead of putting my work off till later, I’m actually bringing other things in front of it. It’s not that my work gets pushed back, it’s that other issues are pushed ahead of it. So I’m actually doing the right thing. I’m the total opposite of a procrastinator. I prioritize. And it may just so happen that my priorities may be wrong. But that’s hardly my fault. I’m still young and I’ll learn. So don’t be quick to jump on my mistakes. And don’t ever label me a procrastinator. Or I'm gonna haveta beat up on your monkey ass....sooner or later.

I probably should get back to work.

Predict the future

How seamless do you think the transition is going to be from the year Two thousand and nine to the year Twenty ten?

Sweetness

She's a real cutie ain't she?

Well here's a use for college

Mubai paper Mid-Day has a story about the wedding that is going to take place between former Pakistani cricket captain Javed Miandad's son, Junaid Miandad, and current Indian Most Wanted Terrorist Dawood Ibrahim's daughter, Mahrukh.

So much for quashing rumors of the underworld-cricketworld nexus. That isn't what's bothering me though. The story says that the two fell in love, so more power to them. What gets my goat is this line at the end of the story:

Mahrukh is doing a management course in Oxford. She has been in England for the last two years. They fell in love and both the families agreed to their wedding. It is learnt that Mahrukh is not keen to pursue a career after the nikah and will be a housewife.

The girl is doing a management course at one of the most prestigious universities in the world and she decides to give up a promising career to become a housewife?

It seems possible that one reason for this would be the prevalent chauvanistic attitudes that say the man goes out and does the hunting while the woman tends the fire in the cave....blah blah. If so then it is a terrible pity that a girl who has gotten a chance to attend Oxford University and who has been exposed to the tremendous strides that women have made in the world caves in to misguided traditionalism. But I guess I ought to cut her some slack. Her dad's not exactly a pussycat.

Or did she do to college just to get a degree to make herself more marriageable? Granted, the daughter of a don isn't the best example but it is symptomatic of the closed thinking that still prevails. College is an investment in your future that is paid back by putting to good use the education that you have received. That doesn't always equate to money. Social change can be wrought by the education that you have received....and so on. However it seems that a degree for a girl sometimes just serves to get her a better husband. Society does not get the benefit of the investment that it has made in her. If she were to spend the rest of her life as a housewife and busy herself in cooking meals and ferrying her children to and fro from tuition classes, she would have done women a tremendous injustice. For long it has been argued that the lack of opportunites and exposure have led to women being kept down. Seems a waste then, that a woman who has had the chance to go to one of the most prestigious universities in the world spurns the chance to advance womenkind.

I can see how this argument could be interpreted to mean that only non-college educated women should become housewives. Hardly. I just feel that you should put to good use the 4-5 years of your life that you spent studying and learning about the world. Whether this comes about by getting involved in your commmunity, social work or by raising children with a broadminded and liberated view of the world is upto the person in question.

A university degree should not be a marriage certificate.

Bite your tongue

It's a trick I've used with dogs to keep them from being too bite-happy. Didn't know you could use it on the big cats as well. Way to go gramps!

More on the wild feline family. This time it's about altruistic lions. Either that or they weren't quick enough to finish the job.

The bagel - the key to human behaviour?

I've always been a fan of lateral thinking and this new book by Steven Levitt looks like it will catch my fancy. Anyone who can find a link between Chicago high school teachers and sumo wrestlers, and estate agents and the KKK is definitely worthy of a read. Read the article to see the wonderfully curved way this man's mind thinks. Especially interesting is how he collected some of his data from a bagel delivery man.

The Guardian also draws attention to the fact that data and the evidence that it presents must not be taken at face value as the context is what is most important. The current war in Iraq is given as an example.

The book is winging its way to me through the wonderful United States Postal Service. It should be a good read.

Here's looking at you, kid

I was considering a post on AI and some common evaluation algorithms. But that would have been boring. Satisfy yourselves instead with this link from Prem Panicker's blog. One interesting thing to note is that the computer takes longer to figure out its moves as the game progresses and the number of pieces dwindle. Basically means you have close to no chance.

And on the topic of Casablanca, AFI relased their list of top 100 movie quotes of all time on a CBS special last nite. Pretty hard to dispute any of those choices. Though I still think that 'Cowabunga dude!' from TMNT should have made it.

Madness

Pity the indian woman

Me Ugh.....Me Man

The Associated Press has a story about Big Brother services that provide surrogate fathers to kids whose dads are overseas fighting in wars. A commendable effort and another mark of this country's attempts to take care of its own people.

What caught my eye in the story was this line:

"'I've seen grown men actually ... giving each other a bear hug,' the principal says."

In the day of the metrosexual, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and men on screen coming to terms with expressing their emotions (Tom Cruise on Oprah anyone?) are we still so GI-Joe warped that marines hugging each other merits astonishment?

Eye of the Tiger

So the Tigers beat Australia yesterday. With odds of 100-1 on and 500-1 on with bookmakers before the start of the game, this was a money-making opportunity to rival odds on the Boston Red Sox last year (shoutout to Rachna who thought that the Red Sox won the Superbowl)

The Bangladeshis were helped by the fact that the pitch eased out by the second innings. But with a bowling attack of McGrath, Gillespie and Kasprowicz, this shouldn't have been a contest. Kudos to the Bangladeshis for pulling off the upset. They did this by finally following the script of a one-day chase - bat well in the first 15 without losing too many wickets, keep the scoreboard ticking during the middle overs, and don't try to win the match by the 42nd over. Ashraful was perhaps guilty of that with his dismissal at long-on, trying to hit a six instead of working the runs. That's where someone like Bevan excelled. He knew there were 50 overs available and he used every ball.

In the last few overs, it seemed that the Aussies could pull it out with the Bangladeshis going for the big shots. The pressure told on both teams, but astonishingly, it was the Aussies who cracked. This ought to be a good summer of cricket.

'tis the season of upsets, no? What with Liverpool and Nadal slaying the giants (inspite of everyone writing them off, Detroit over Miami didn't garner the same attention. A backhanded tribute, perhaps, of their championship poise)

Both Sides of the Coin

Was reading the Sydney Morning Herald today and saw that Hewitt's been placed in the tough top half of the draw for Wimbledon. He's got to deal with Federer, Ancic plus a ton of other guys.

Now Yahoo! news is reporting that Andy Roddick's got the tough half of the draw. The toughest guy he's gotta face, in my opinion, is Tim Henman. No one else ought to bother him.

It's a nice view of how nationalism paints reporting. An objective tennis viewer would have no qualms about pencilling Roddick into the finals bracket. Yet, the media takes a different slant on the same topic. What would be an easier draw for Roddick then? Pairing up with Federer in the top half?

It's most likely an opportunity for the ESPN guys to explain away Roddick's inevitable loss to Federer in the finals. "You have to give him credit. He battled through a really tough draw and had nothing left when he met Federer."

Taking bets anyone?

iQueen

So here's some interesting news: The Queen's gone and gotten herself an iPod. I know the monarchy's been making a concerted effort to get more in touch with the common man. Who knew the common man now owns an iPod?

Apple's profits for their last fiscal year was up 350% solely because of the iPod. Kudos to whoever saw the potential. Of course I'm the guy whose sister said 'Who's going to want to buy a phone with a camera in it?' Pitiful part is I used that line in an interview. Needless to say, I didn't get the job.

the NBA on ABC

So far there hasn't been a single entirely competitive game in the NBA finals. Every game has been a blowout by the 4th quarter. Who's with me in thinking that if both teams are at their best, there won't be any?

Both the Spurs and the Pistons thrive on defense. Good defense leads to good offense. If one of them were to play at their defensive best, that would give their offense a lot more opportunities. Ergo, only one defensive team can be at its very best. For the series to be closer, both teams have to slack off on defense. If that's gonna happen, Game 5 is as good as any other time.

Recipe for the Day - Southern Fried Chicken

Just had it for lunch and I can't stop thinking about it. Rather easy to do -

All purpose flour seasoned with salt, pepper and garlic powder.
Dip the chicken in melted butter
Cover with the seasoned flour
Let sit for awhile
Deep fry

Add lemon juice to the butter for a new kick

Yea, I know I'm good

The inspiration for this recipe came from 'Ray'. I'd just watched the movie at Nesbitt and there was a scene where Jamie Foxx cooks southern fried chicken. I went back home at 1am and cooked it right then and there. Now I didn't bother to check what the actual recipe was; I just winged it. As such, this recipe comes with the appropriate disclaimers - that you can't resist it!

Testing...one, two

and three! This should be interesting. Wonder how long till I'm bored of this?